Sunday, May 07, 2006


Born into prominence, as a direct descendant of Sir Smelnknorld Smlandervlander—the self-proclaimed Genius of the Weather, and inventor of the container—Denny Green’s first taste of writing came twelve years after his parents invented him, when he received a cave-wall and charcoal from his Uncle Mangles.

His original, and decidedly more pugilistic, career choice was that of a Big-time Tough-time Man. He had, in fact, received a set of knuckles on that same occasion; a gift he’d quickly predicted, having already unwrapped a copy of the popular You and Your New Knuckles, by his then-favorite author, Socko Lunghammer (who would later prove life to be stranger than fiction by punching Denny in the forehead and pulling his nose right in front of girls; inspiring one of Denny’s most gripping essays to date: Knuckle Hoagie – with a Side of Don’t).

Fortunately for the world of letters, Denny lost more fisticuff-manship titles than were even in existence, and was voted Worst Boxer to Box by the World of Boxing Boxing People; leading him to turn inward, and resume his writing with a new-found fire in his belly. (He was also working nights as a Late Night Fire-Eater at Late Night Fire-Eater Hut Forever Place while reinventing himself.)

He has written two novels: “What Are You . . . Crazy?” and “What—Are You Crazy?” as well as the critically-acclaimed collection of essays; “What Are You? (Crazy!)”.

Denny lives at the Holy Mary, Queen of the Uncalled-For Facility for the Terminally One-upped with his friend, Mr. Peppers, who resides in the electrical outlet and repeatedly informs Denny that he’s doomed. Denny enjoys inventing the scarecrow, listening to songs that end with oh yeah, and illustrating that “the color of our blood is the same” by poking foreigners with darts and forks. “See?” he says.


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